Couples therapy is essential if this is the case, and you both must want to reconnect. Self-awareness on both sides, and communication between the two of you are both essential if this marriage is going to work. Why have you put up with this for so long? If this is the case, then you need to find out, and you need to decide on your own whether or not you are willing to live with a spouse that is not interested in having a healthy relationship with you. If you and your wife want your marriage to survive, you will need to talk about what is going on with her.
Sometimes, the health issue may not be gynecological, but that is a good place to start, and then get referrals from there. Avoiding the subject or refusing to talk about it is not an option. Has she been having a hard time? If your wife has been a victim of any kind of sexual trauma, she needs help. Are you willing to live with the prospect of little to no intimacy for the rest of your life? She says intimacy is not worth it to her. You both need to find out why she has withdrawn from you and why you have tolerated it for so long. She even tells me I am bugging her when I try to kiss her. For each reason, I am recommending how to proceed. If you and your wife want your marriage to survive, you will need to talk about what is going on with her. Does she seem down? It is really important for you to evaluate your marriage and your reasons why you are staying in it. Sex is a basic, natural instinct. She has always had a very low sex drive. She will need individual therapy to process and move beyond her trauma. There is the possibility that your wife is unwilling to communicate. If you are not willing to live with this prospect, then it is time to take action. You said even when you were intimate, it was not often. Come to a Resolution for this Problem Unless you are willing to live with the way thing are, then it is time to make some decisions and some changes. Sometimes they do this consciously, and sometimes, they are not even aware that they are doing this. I know many people who get married to the opposite sex in order to overcome their homosexuality. If you decide on this, it needs to be a mutual agreement between the two of you. You will also need couples therapy to learn how to provide a safe environment for her in which she can feel intimate. I am hoping that there is an underlying reason that your wife is rejecting you, and that once this reason is discovered, it can be worked on. Are you staying in this marriage because you love your wife? There are some health problems that can cause a woman to feel uncomfortable during sex. Unfortunately, that does not work, and both parties end up suffering.
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