The pull of addictions is strong. He died clean and sober and faced his death with grace. The work will present itself if we are ready. We washed dishes, cleaned houses, wiped asses, made food and fed each other. I thought I had 2 years to live tops. Many others did a lot more than I did in the face of greater fear. He was a hero.
Many times I fell into the arms of women who were there doing the work. Hate is a powerful dark spell fed by more hate. I can only tell my story. I want to hide in my house with the doors locked. This is a stressful time. You are bright, strong, energetic and loving. We used the skills we had. Real people of faith came forward and helped. There is always someone else hurting more than you, Reach out to them. I cried, I hid, I spun around and around. I started massaging one or two patients in my home once a week and eventually joined the massage team that went into Seattle hospitals and hospice to comfort the sick and dying. Effective treatment was still about 9 years away. We built community using the broken pieces of ourselves. The government was doing nothing to stop the spread of AIDS. Some had no birth family support others did. I went to the hospital to comfort a dying friend and instead he was the one comforting me. I tell you these things not because I want to be called hero or feed my ego but to give you the benefit of my experience. Luckily I had the support of the Queer recovery community and the larger Queer community in Seattle. I , myself tested positive for HIV in Mend your broken fences, We need everyone. We washed dishes, cleaned houses, wiped asses, made food and fed each other. One thing I do have to share with you now is my experience. A lot of us men were broken and sick. I see the work you do and the risks you take and I am humbled. We took care of each other the best we could.
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