Look around you and assess the situation for what it is. However, this rate increases to around a third of couples when you include emotional infidelity. There can also be an increase in emotional and physical violence within the couple. If your guy only calls you hours after the sun has set below the horizon and the stars come out, chances are, it's not because he's in the mood for stargazing. Does he ever want to snuggle, cuddle, or hug just because, without any sexual connection? If he's just into you for sex, then any of your complicated, messy feelings will be a hurdle for him and nothing more. If he immediately backs off, then you have a problem. That's because either he's too embarrassed to bring you around, because he doesn't want to invest that much in your relationship, or even because there may be some other girls hanging around who he wants to keep away from you. If so, you're one of his nightly activities, not the love of his life.
Or if you are the only one disclosing all the details of your past history, relationships, etc, and he never shares real details about his past, but always phrases questions to get more information about you, then be careful he is trying to manipulate you. Or if he doesn't really contact you after a love making session. Have you never heard him randomly ask if you're upset, ask how your day was, or just wonder why you had tears in your eyes? How is it making you feel? If he seems absolutely allergic to your emotions, then chances are it's not because he's too shy to ask or too awkward to help you deal, but it's because, well, he just doesn't really care that much. So people are quick to make judgements and lay blame on perpetrators of what they see as a significant violation of relationship norms and betrayal of trust. Studies into why people cheat are many and varied. Recent work suggests one of the biggest predictors of having an affair is having strayed before. Have other women come up to you and told you to stay away from him? That's because either he's too embarrassed to bring you around, because he doesn't want to invest that much in your relationship, or even because there may be some other girls hanging around who he wants to keep away from you. Those low on these measures appear more likely to have an affair. If you never hear from him until rarely on Friday or Saturday nights, but come Tuesday, his schedule is wide open, then it's because he expects your legs to be wide open, too. If you can't get a hold of him when you want to see how he's doing for five days, but suddenly he's blowing up your phone at midnight on a Wednesday night, then he must be ready for some more convenient late night lovin'. If not, then he may just see you as a temporary thing and isn't ready to be the boyfriend you want him to be. Does he rarely or never stay the night? Both men and women cheat. Infidelity highlights the potential fragility of our closest and most important of relationships. If that's the case, then you know where he goes when he falls off the radar for five days; and it's not just because he's having a crazy week at work. If every time you kiss your man, he starts reaching for your x-rated body parts, then he may think that he should only kiss you for some sexy time. We all want the same things in a partner, but why? It's okay if it takes a long time for him to say "I love you," but if he has rarely even said, "I really like you," and it's been a while, then things may not be moving forward because he only sees you as his plaything. So a couple should seek professional help to deal with the aftermaths of an affair, not only to possibly heal their relationship but also for their own psychological well-being. Most relationship therapists suggest issues around infidelity can be improved through therapy. Does he discuss where things are headed with the two of you? Does he hang out with his friends all the time without you but never invite you out to join him? But the secret only perpetuates the betrayal.
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